JO ANN SHIRTS (BINKERD, LeMMON): Life History

Born:     7 Nov. 1936

      Salt Lake City, Utah

Parents:  Joseph Alford Shirts and Jean            Hayward Wessman Shirts

Married:  Raymond William Binkerd                  (divorced)

    Jan. 1954

       Heber,City, Utah

Children: (1)Charles Albert Binkerd 
          (2)Raymond Scott Binkerd 
          (3)Toni Lee Binkerd

Married:  Carl  (Cal) (divorced)

  April 1960

  Elko, Nevada

Children: 1.  Gerald K. LeMmon

          2. Bryan Keith LeMmon

      

Some of her mother’s memories:

During Jean's pregnancy with JoAnn, she worked up at the University of Utah doing office work.  She said that she didn't feel or look pregnant.  She only gained eight or nine pounds.  Back then, after the baby was born, it was the customary to keep the mother and baby in the hospital for ten days.  From there, Jean and JoAnn went home to 184 E. Street.  The family had an upstairs apartment in the house of Hazel Jean Wessman (JoAnn's maternal grandmother). 

JoAnn was a happy baby and not fussy.  She didn't have any hair or teeth until she was about one year old.  JoAnn developed a habit of twisting her hair around her first finger. Not only did one tooth come in but seven additional ones at the same time.  It never seemed to bother her.  When she was younger, she and Elaine would play with the broom and sweep the sidewalks.  She also played with dolls, pushed her doll buggy.  They would fight over things.  She loved any candy of any kind.  Even up until she died.  She had quite the sweet tooth.

Elaine and Johnny were taking piano lessons but JoAnn didn't have that desire.  She wanted to recite (elocution).  She didn't stick with it very long.  She would have been good at it.  She always loved to read.

JoAnn was talented at art.  She would often decorate by painting Christmas scenes on the window.  She did some watercolors also.  She loved to doodle.

(JoAnn gave her first initial life history on August 8, 1993 and then she added some more to it not long before her death.  This is her life as she told it...)

I was given my name after my dad (Joe) and great-grandmother Elizabeth Ann Pugsley Hayward.  I was born in the L.D.S. hospital. I am not religious in my later life even though I did go to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while I was young. I do not claim any specific religion now even though I do believe in God. 

Both of my parents lived at home.  I have a younger sister name Elaine and a younger brother name John.  We were a low income family.  Dad worked at the Hotel Utah when I was little.  After that, he worked for the Board of Education.

Dad was my biggest and best buddy. I couldn’t have had a better dad.  He taught me how to dance while holding me in his arms. He was the one who explained what menstrual periods were. Dad spanked me once that I remember.  All he usually had to do was to scowl at me and threaten.  Dad stood in when I got married to Ray.  He also went with me when I got married to Cal.  Mom stayed on the front lawn with the kids.  Dad was a witness.  He was something else.

I used to make coffee for him because Grandma Wessman wouldn't do it.  So I learned really quickly how to do it.  I still make it the way he liked it to this day.

I have some good memories with mom.  She taught me how to use the mango (the big roller iron).  She did all her pillow cases and sheets and all that type of stuff on it.  I got to where I could do some of dad's uniform shirts from the Board of Education.  That was a horrible job to do.

I was around dad more than mom.  Mom worked longer hours and always gone.  She worked all the time.  She worked for W.W. Beck (ears, nose and throat doctor).  When I got older, I would fill in for her.  Then I started being a receptionist for N.R. Beck.  Their offices were right next to each other. 

Dad used to hate New Years Eve because after he would have to go down to Grandma Suzie's and have trite soup which was a Scottish tradition.  He hated it.  Grandma would spend days cooking it.

I used to cook menudo (trite) like beef stew when I was married and living in San Jose, California.  One time, I cooked it for a couple of days with homemade bread when I knew dad and mom were coming.  Dad ate three bowlfuls and was commenting how good it was.  He told me how awful I was when I told him what it was.

Growing up, we always went camping or took trips..  One week of the summer we would go to places like Yellowstone or Zions National Park.  We also would like to go to Moon Lake out in Mountain Home, Utah.

Dad loved to go camping.  We used to go in the old Model T and the '49 ford.  It had running boards.  Dad built boxes to put everything in.  We had a big army tent, the food etc. all in those boxes.  These boxes were on the running boards and we would go chug, chug, chugging along.  It was a lot of fun.  Both my parents were there as were  my brother and sister.  I call Johnny my little brother even though we are adults now.

Grandma Wessman (Hazel Jean Hayward Wessman) was always there.  I remember her playing the piano. "Clair DeLune" was her warm up tune.  She practiced every day.  When she would go down to the Tabernacle, I would go and listen to her.  She played the organ.  She helped me with the kids.  She was also telling me family history.  I really enjoyed that.

The unhappiest time of my childhood was when Aunt Meryl Wessman died.  She had Down’s Syndrome.  I just loved her dearly.  She was my baby sitter all the time that I was growing up. That is why it was so sad.  (Is that why JoAnn had such a love and talent working with and for the handicapped?) 

Some of my happiest times were when I could beat the boys at games such as chasing them up the trees, fighting, jumping on the beds.  The family had three dogs while growing up.  The first was called Little Tootsie, then there were Mike and Gus.

   We lived up on the Avenues at 84 E. Street until after I graduated from Junior High.  Then we moved up to 2505 Commonwealth Avenue.  There are times in the family relationship that it was good and times that it was bad.  We had a lot of financial hardships.  Dad's health was too bad.

One thing I remember is going down to Wayne and Lucille Cochrane's (family friends).   The adults would play cards all night. We would have our books and fight over everything. 

One time the family was up at Yellowstone.  Johnny and I were on the bridge at the Paint(mud) Pots.  We figured out when it would go off, then took off leaving Elaine behind.  We had to go back after her.

John decided he was going to be a smart aleck and take a picture of a big moose.  He kept getting closer and closer trying to get  a picture.  The moose decided he had enough of those people and decided to charge them.  I have never seen Johnny move so fast in my life.  I laughed because we told him not to go over there.  Of course, he was the little brother...the spoiled brat.

    When Elaine was five (I was about six and a half), she spent most of the time in bed due to rheumatic fever.   Everything centered around Elaine.  She had to stay in bed.  For a long time after she could get up, she was pushed around in a wagon.  Aunt Meryl and dad took care of her most of the time.  I didn't know at that time just how serious the problem was.

    It was a couple of years later that she scared me so bad.  I was watching Elaine and Johnny when dad and mom had gone somewhere.  We were out playing kick the can with the neighbor kids.  A piece of glass came flying out and cut Elaine's leg wide open clear to the bone.

    I panicked because I was in charge.  Elaine was carried into the house while someone ran to get a neighbor.  About that time, mom and dad came home and took her to the doctors.  While they were sewing her up, dad passed out. 

    We all slept in an enclosed porch which was a great big one.  That was our playroom and where we slept.  That's the room that I knocked Johnny out of the window.  I got mad at him.  He managed to hit the shed below and then the grass.  I didn't get into a lot of trouble because I was too ornery and they couldn't do anything with me.

    We used to take off and go to Garden Grove with the neighbor kids and sleigh ride. I used to fight with the Wilson kids across the street.One day, Mrs. Wilson sent Elaine into the house to get dad because I wouldn't let Joey out of the tree so he could eat.  We were horrible... just horrible.

    We used to go up to the city cemetery to see Emo.  Emo was the supposed spirit that haunted the cemetery at night.  One time, Elaine and her friends planned to go up there.  I found out about it.  We jumped out from behind the crypt and really scared them.  After a little while she realized who it was.  We roamed all over the Avenues of Salt Lake.  

    I haven't seen much of Johnny too much since we have been on our own.  I was never back east except once to visit him.  I had gone back to Minnesota for work (for special education training) and took a little extra time to see him.  It was enjoyable.  I loved it.  I feel kind of close to him.  That was the first time in a long time that Johnny and I were able to talk. 

   Elaine and I have a love-hate relationship.   We fight a lot and we get mad at each other even though we love each other.  We can never stay away from each other for very long.  I really don't know Elaine anymore really.   I did enjoy though the times that I went down to her place while she was married to Steve Olsson.  We would have friends over and have a good time.  A lot of the times, we would play cards.  I took Elaine in when she had no other place to go.  Mainly because she is my sister.  We have our differences but family is supposed to stick together.  And like I said, I do love her. 

    Dad loved to dance.  He was a good dancer.  When I was in high school, the pivot dance just came out.  Dad taught me how to do it.  I was the first one in my school to learn it.  When I was 11 or 12, he would take me down to the old "Rainbow Rendezvous," where the big bands would come in.

     When I first started to date Bob Anderson, dad would take a few couples down to the Rainbow and drop us off.  Later he would come pick us up.  Dad encouraged us to dance.  I learned to with him even before I was walking.  He knew how to do the polka and everything.  My dates liked to take me dancing because I was good from all those years of dancing with dad. We also went out to the Lagoon too and danced.  We saw Arty Shaw and the Dorsey’s and some of the big band names.

     We would go out to Mountain home and stay with Jack and Viola Blazard (friends of my dad and mom.  When we first went out there, there were no indoor plumbing and no real running water.  Our job was to milk and feed the animals in the mornings.  When we got in our teens, we asked to stay at Grandma Blazard’s house that was down the road in which no one was living in.  We would take the car (and even hot wired it one time) and roamed around the farming communities playing tricks.

    We would take the milk cans from  "Swearin' Aaron" (who lived on top of the hill) and roll the lids down the hill and the bottoms down the other side.  His boys were with us.  We caught Swearin' Aaron in the outhouse.  We lassoed the outhouse and pulled it over.  We also did chicories.  We stole chickens, cooked and ate them.  We were all over.  We got caught a couple of times.  We would stay out all night and returned just in time to do our chores in the morning.  Our parents would always ask us what time we got in.  We would say that we got "in early."  One time we had to push the car half way home because it ran out of gas.

     We did a lot of things.  Every spring, we would go up every weekend or so to Grandpa Watrous' cabin in Big Cottonwood Canyon. Our first trip up there, Dad took our dog Mike.  There were three cabins.  There was a little one, a bigger one and then there was the large one that was two stories.  Dad would put Mike in the two story cabin and tell him to clean it out.  He would get all the mice and chipmunks and put them in a pile in the middle of the floor for dad.  The kids slept in the front pasteur in our sleeping bags.  We would be up all night long.

    Some of the fun things that we did up there were hike up to Donut Falls or go across the street to the rock and slide.  We drove Grandpa Watrous ("Old Poop Deck" as we called him) crazy by ganging up on him and grandma Suzie (Susan Irvine Shirts Watrous) when we played the card game Canasta.  Grandma really did cheat at that game!!!  If she couldn't win, she would throw everything up in the air and left her "scotch blessings."  Grandpa tried to be grouchy and grumpy.  He thought we were afraid of him but we weren't.

   There was an outhouse up there.  We would wait until Grandpa got in there and settled down.  There was a bar in there that came down and locked it.  There was a place where acid could be added and there was a stick on the outside that was used to stir it up.  We would then stir it up.  The smell was awful.  He would be in there yelling and swearing at us and we would take off.  Someone else usually got him out.  We put a fire cracker in there one time.

     Dad used to scare my boy friends to death by those scowls and those dark eyes staring at them.  He didn't even have to know them.  Everyone remembers him as stern.  One time on a date with Ron Anderson (Red) in the winter, we were parked up at the "This is the Place" monument and got stuck.  We walked down to the fire station that was down the road and called dad at 3:00 a.m.  He said "Where are you at?"  He came and pulled us out.  He told me to get back into Red's car.  He then said "I want her home in 20 minutes" and then he left. I was sure to be home in 20 minutes.

   I used to like to date guys from Mountain Home.I would go to the rodeos that they rode in.  I went with the Stevenson boy and Fred Lindsey.  My first couple of dates with them were when they came into Salt Lake.  There was a big band recital and they would always stay at our house.  Dad loved it because he knew all their parents.  We used to go up to the Sylvester’s in Tremonton and Brigham City, Utah.  The Sylvester’s had two boys (L.J. and ?).

    When I worked at the Lagoon, they would come down and see me when I got off work about  6:00 p.m..  But we would end up closing the place.  We would sneak into the swimming pool.  I would get home at 3:00 - 4:00 a.m..  Dad would be waiting for me with a scowl.  One time he had figured out that we had been drinking.  He asked me and I said no.  I denied that I was with L.J. when dad confronted me.  Their dad was the sheriff of Tremonton, Utah. (JoAnn started going wild with the wrong group when she was in Junior High).

    The only time dad really got mad at me was when I skipped high school.  I would do all types of things but I really liked to go down to the Dairy Queen.  I really never had to study.  I could read something and could remember it.

    I met Ray Binkerd through the "Fairmont gang" (Boys and Girls club) at Fairmont Park.  I had been going with one fellow and he went into the navy.  There used to be a boxing team there.  Dale Ross had one crippled arm but he was the best boxer that we had.   The Burton's, Bob Lundberg(Elaine ended up marrying him) and Ray were part of those that were there.  Bob and Ray lived next door to each other on Green Street. I didn't know Ray that well until right before we were married.  We started dating singly after we had done things as a group.  We mostly went to movies.

    We decided to get married when I was 17.  I had just turned 18 when I had Chuck.  We thought that we were pregnant when we first got married.  We were just kids.  It turned out to be a false alarm. I had been kicked out of South High School so when pregnancy was suspected, that just added to it.

    We had an apartment just across the street from South High.  Everyone used to sluff (skip school) and come over.  We went up to Heber, Utah to get married.  Dad and Nedra (Ray's mother) went with us.  Mother refused.  She didn't want anything to do with it.

   

     Dad took me to the hospital when Chuck and Toni were born.  When Chuck was born, I was living with my mother-in-law  Nedra Binkerd.  I got along very well with Nedra.  Ray had gone to Palm Beach for the Navy.  I wasn't feeling too good with low backache.  Nedra (whose occupation was a nurse) said "Let me check you."  She said that we had better get going because Hillfield Air Force Base was an hour away.  We called dad.  He said "I'll be right there!"  He must have run every red light.  He fretted and stewed all the way there.  I never was allowed to smoke in dad's car but he said half way up there that I could.

     We got on the base and they took me in without even prepping me.  They left me because they said I wasn't that big.  The nurse decided that I wasn't going to have that baby.  Nedra checked me again and went out and got that nurse. She said that I was going to have that baby any minute.  She was right!!!  The nurse checked me also.  The doctor was at the gate when they caught him.  He delivered Chuck in his dress uniform.  He handed me the gas mask and said to use it if I needed.  I didn't.

     Dad couldn't come in to see me right then but when Nedra came out, dad put his two cents into that nurse too.  The nurse was much nicer to me after that.  Nedra was in the room with me when Chuck was delivered.

    I stayed in the hospital five days and that is when they found out that Chuck had the foot problem.  They wanted me to have his foot broken to have it fixed.  Dad came and picked me up.  On the way back, we stopped at N.R. Beck's office.  He was surprised to see me. He told me to massage and stretch his feet.  I then had to put hard sole shoes on his feet.  I was also told to let him go barefoot because it was good for the feet.  Chuck started walking early.  He was on ice skates about one and a half to 2 years old so his ankles would be strengthened.  I had to eventually put his shoes on the wrong feet.  He never did have to have the surgery.

    When I was pregnant with Scott, I had gone to a drive in movie with Ray and Shirlene Simpson (friend from high school) and her date.  Chuck and one of Shirlene's kids were with us.  All of a sudden, my water broke. "Oh, we had better get you home" was everyone's reaction.  Shirlene was laughing trying to get towels and Ray panicked.  I went home and called the doctor.  I then went to the hospital.

    When I was carrying Toni (6-7 months pregnant), we were up at Yellowstone.   Dad was setting up the trailer and was putting the jacks on.  He turned around and there was a big bear right behind him.  He went one way and the bear went the other.  I was just laughing.  I was just off to the side.  We had a lot of fun.

    When Toni was born, Ray and I were separated.  I had worked up to a couple of days before at the Holy Cross Hospital.  I was fretting and stewing if Ray's insurance would pay for it.  Dr. Tyer used to come in and deliver babies when I worked.  He would say "JoAnn is taking a break."  He would take me down to the break room and buy me milk even though it was not my break time.

   Scott was born fast and so Dr. Tyer knew that he had better watch me close.  While in labor with Toni, I was sitting there not really feeling any pain.  Dr. Tyer had checked me a couple of days before.  We knew that Toni was going to be breach.  He gave me some type of laxative so things would get going but it didn't take effect.  They didn't want the baby to be too big.

    I didn't dare eat dinner.  Right while everyone was eating, I just knew that I had to go.  I just knew it.  Dad said "Okay, I'll take you down."

    Dr. Tyer was still at the hospital and dad took me in.  Dr. Tyer checked me and said that it will be a little while.  He turned to dad and said, "Joe, if you want, you can go home and help Jean with the two boys."  Dad said that it would help if he  could help put the boys to bed.  Dr. Tyer said he would call if there was any change.  Dr. Tyer said that he was going to have a resident come and stay with me.  He went and got the resident.  They went to check me again before Dr. Tyer left.  Dr. Tyer said, "She's done it to me again."  He had a medical board meeting that he was due to be at.  The nurse said "What do you mean?"  He said, "Take her into delivery and it has got to be quick.  Also, send someone to call Joe." 

    Dad had just barely gotten home when the phone rang.  By the time he got back, Toni was born.  I didn't need any pain medication because I didn't need any.  However, he had to cut me because the baby was breach.  We tried everything to get the baby to turn but it didn't work.

    When Toni was born, the first thing he said was "It's a girl."  I first wanted to make sure if everything was all right with the baby because some of the things that I saw in the hospital.  They then stitched me up.

    Mom had called the gal who lived up at the corner on Broadmore St. and Elm with whom I used to ride to work with.  She said I am going to go right down.   She wanted to take care of the baby if it was close to her shift as she was promised.  The nurse said, "I will take her to the nursery."

    Dr. Tyer said that they had better show dad the baby.  They took Toni down to the nursery.  At that time, they didn't bring the babies right to you.  They cleaned the babies up first.  If the baby was born at night, then it would be in the morning before the baby would be brought to the mother.  Not Toni.  Here came Sister Mary Margaret and the two other nurses.  They had put pink ribbons in the hair.  They brought her to see me.

   The Catholic Bishop of the hospital came to see me and the baby.  I used to see him every morning. Through the Catholic charities, the bills were all paid for.  The next morning, the sisters usually brought the babies to the mothers at about 5:30 a.m..  Usually they brought all the babies on a stretcher type of thing that usually held about eight babies as they went to the different mothers.  Not Toni.  They did her individually.  Another sister brought donuts and coffee.  Toni was not even allowed to cry in that nursery.  I have very fond memories of that hospital visit...

    We had only been home a couple of minutes, of course the boys and the dog (Lassie) had to check Toni out.  We had a bassinet in the front room and Lassie stayed by the bassinet.  Mom picked Toni up to show a neighbor and Lassie growled.  I was very lucky that I didn't have any complications with having children.

    I was living with my parents after I divorced Ray.  One day Scott took the sleeping pills.I was getting ready to go to work.  Toni was young.I was given seconal in the hospital so I could sleep.  They would put me to sleep for 24 hours. I put them in the top drawer of my dresser. Elaine was due to watch the kids. Here came Scott... "Mom, I am going to feel better. I took my medicine."  He took me down and sure enough it was the seconal.  He had taken five of them.  I grabbed him and the medicine and tried to make him throw up.  Mom called the doctor and he said to get him into emergency right away.  We took off with mom driving.  We were told to keep him awake no matter what.  I was slapping him.  Mom was driving and kept saying "Keep him awake, keep him awake..."  Panicville....  Mom kept her cool to drive and get us there.  She pulled up in front of the door and in I went...They were waiting for me.  I wasn't scared even while I was holding him while they were pumping his stomach. There was only one nurse there and the doctor hadn't arrived yet.  When I walked out the door after it was done to sit next to mom, I started to cry and shake.

    We had to put him in the hospital because the doctor said that he would sleep for the next 24 hours.  So I said okay.  I was getting ready for work that night when I was called.  They said to come get him because they couldn't keep him in the crib.  So I didn't go to work.  When he saw me, he said "I want to go home." 

    The marriage relationship started to deteriorate when Ray went into the service.  He had a bad temper and he scared me.  He would beat me.  Edna McVey (Ray's aunt) used to get so mad at him.  When he got out of the navy, he worked for Kennicott (I think) and was trying to get on as a cop.  It just got worse and worse and worse.  In fact, Edna called my dad and told him to come get me.  That is when I went up to mom and dad's house.  That is also when I found out that I was pregnant with Toni. Ray has changed since those times.

    The divorce was hard because it couldn't go through the court system until after Toni was born.  That was more or less the general rule then.  A month or so after she was born, the divorce was final.

    After Toni was born, we were scared to have Ray come up to the hospital because he was carrying a gun.  He was working for the South Salt Lake Police department at that time.  The nuns and nurses would watch Ray like a hawk when he came to visit.

   Before Grandma Wessman died, Scott would go up every morning and stand by her bed.  He would pat her on the face and say "Good morning." I would go to bed at night and mom would take care of her.  By then, I had stayed home to take care of Grandma during the day. I didn't know that she had died until after it happened at night.  Mom had heard a noise and found her. She must have had another stroke.  They came downstairs and got me.  Uncle Keith and Uncle John Wessman were there so that made it easier.  Grandma and I had talked about it. 

    When Grandma Suzie died, I was in California.  I used to send her little sugar free goodies because she was diabetic.  I came up to the funeral.  Being I was one of the oldest granddaughters along with my cousin Ardeth and Aunt Fontella, it was our job to separate her salt and pepper shakers.  There was a list of who gave her what ones and if it was possible, give them back to them.  We took sacks and separated them. I thought it was pretty fair to do it that way but not everyone thought that. 

    I met Cal through my Aunt Lois (dad’s sister) and Joe and Arva Harkness (Cal’s sister).  Lois called and asked if I would come to a New Years Eve party.  “We have a friend here who is staying with his sister next door and we are going to have a party. He doesn’t know anyone here in town.” They sent Cal to pick me up for this blind date.  I went to the party with him and dated him after that.

    For dates, we went to the races because he was working on the race cars.  We would go up to the mountains a lot and also go visiting.  I started watching his two boys.  David was six months old at that time.  We dated for a while and Cal decided to move to California because of a job.  He took the two boys with him.  My Uncle Harry Wessman and his wife Barbara babysat them. 

    I raised Carl and David and treated them as if they were born to me. I didn’t treat them any differently than my other children.  They were about my “natural” children’s ages also.  Carl was just younger than Chuck and just older than Scott.  He was born 1 Nov. 1955.  David was between Scott and Toni.  David was born January 1957 and committed suicide in July of 1992.  That tore me up and I feel bad about it to this day.  I also felt awful because we had lost contact with each other for a long time due to our relationship problems. 

   When Cal left for his job in California, he told me that he would be back.  He called after a few months and said that he was coming to get me.  Mom was mad and Dad was a little upset mainly because I was taking the kids.  He had Carl and David with him when he came to pick me up.  We had all the kids and the dog Lassie in the car and we pulled a trailer.  We stopped in Elko, Nevada and got married.  After, mom took the kids to buy a hamburger or something so we could have a couple of hours alone.

     We then got in the car and started driving to California. We got to Reno and Donners Pass was closed because of snow.  This was in April.  We rented a pair of chains.  Renting cost more than buying them.  We had to be really careful because it was so slick.  Having the trailer didn’t help.  Lassie wouldn’t sit down until we stopped on the other side to take off the chains.  Lassie did a sigh of relief.

     When Jerry was born, Cal was out of town.  We lived across the street from Mel and Doris (friends).  They had a bunch of kids.  My kids had all come down with the flu and I thought I had also.  I called the doctor.  He said to come down to the hospital where he was at and he would check me and give me some antibiotics.  It was about 10 minutes from the house.  I asked Mel to run me to the hospital and have his older daughter babysit.  He said “Sure.”  The nurse at the hospital said "It will be a couple of minutes because the doctor was with another patient."

    Mel said that he was going to go home and check on all the kids.  He asked if he should call Cal.  I said no because Cal was down in the San Joaquin valley over by Fresno.  We were living in San Jose at the time.  Mel said that he would be right back but that he would call before he came.  When he got home, he decided to call.

     I had a fight with a nurse because she insisted that I needed a saddle block(a form of pain relief).  I kept saying "no" and that I didn’t "need it."  I won.  I had delivered Jerry so fast that I was all ready on the stretcher by the nurse’s desk when the call came.  Mel said, “Have you seen the doctor?”  I said “Yea.”  “Can I come get you?”  I replied back, “I don’t think so Mel.  I just had a baby boy.”  He said, “You what?”

    I was about ready to have Bryan when I went for a check up.  I had already started to dilate so they had me go over to the hospital and walk up and down the halls.  They were afraid that I wouldn’t make it back if I went home.  Once the labor started, he came pretty fast.

    When I was pregnant with Bryan, Doc Watson (friend) took me to the hospital because Cal was out of town again.  He made sure that he had towels and string in his car just in case he had to deliver the baby.  When Bryan was brought home from the hospital, all the boys and Toni were thrilled.  Bryan came home in a Christmas stocking since it was Christmas time.  That was the neatest thing according to the kids.

     The marriage to Cal started to deteriorate when he started to have affairs while we were in California.  Other things had also been going on.He also started to get really mean. I confronted him with the facts. I decided to divorce him.  We got divorced about 1970 (I am not sure about the date.)  We were married about 10 years.

    When I decided to move back to Utah, we got back together.  We were separated when girls would come to live with me from the detention home.  This was in Utah.  Cal would have affairs with these girls.  When Carl and David would have girls come over, I found out that he had already had affairs with them.  They told me about it.  That was right after mom (Cal’s mom) got so bad and I was working so many hours that I couldn’t take care of her any more.  I had to take her to Pinky’s (Cal’s sister) house.

Cal married Helen but the Bybee family wouldn’t acknowledge it even though Helen wanted them too.  Mom always told me that I was her other daughter.  Pinky and Arva always called me “Sis.”

    I really don't like to talk about the court problems (custody battle) because it is an emotional burden to everyone.  The court situation with the kids just aggravated the situation of always fighting with my mom.

    Dad used to sneak around to see me during the court problems when mom was at work every couple of days.  Dad was completely heart broken and devastated about the situation. 

    I blew up on the day of the legal decision (of course) at the courthouse.  As I walked out of the courtroom, mom said something that really upset me. I told her that she would never see the other kids as long as I lived.  Dad's face went white.

     I was to have visitation rights with the kids but when I called to arrange a visit, I was told that they (Chuck, Scott and Toni) were busy or whatever.

     The first judge that took the kids (Chuck, Scott and Toni)legally away was Alden Anderson.  When we went back into court for visitation, we had another judge.  I don't remember his name.

    When we went into his chambers, he was madder than heck.  He said to mom that she had done all the damage that she could have done, that she was the cause of the problems and that she was an example of what parents shouldn't be.  Dad cried.  This judge said, "If I hadn't felt that this was good for the kids, I would order them back into that home. It would do more damage because of the damage that you have done already.  You have helped turn these kids against their mother."

    I still don't have the best relationship with mom after all these years.  I feel that she doesn't consider me.  It is always Elaine or Johnny.  Favoritism.  That's why I feel dad stood up for me so much.  It was rough. Mom and I are too much alike in our personalities...both stubborn!

When I started to work with the handicapped, dad was so tickled and so proud of me.  He thought it was neat.  Mother never has said anything.  In fact, she doesn't tell a lot of people where I work.  She is getting better.  Even now, we are not close.  In a way, the problems that I have had with mom throughout my life have been good.  It has made me independent.  I can stand on my own two feet.

    The thing that I regret most about the court situation is that I don't have a close relationship with some of my children.  During the court situation, I had a friend who took me up to see his father(who was a patriarch) who knew me.  He told me then that it would work out and that eventually I would be rewarded.  He reminded me to use respect toward my mother. 

    One day, years later, I  was talking to Toni about her long time boyfriend Kent Collinson and the possible future that they might have.  I felt that this conversation was the starting of that reward.

     Cal and I had some bad problems in which Helen was heading a lot of it.  That is when Bryan (being very young still) went down there and it caused me a lot of pain.  They bribed him to go down there.  David came to get Bryan which I didn't know at that time.I tried to slit my wrist. I then realized that I shouldn't have done it so I called Elaine.  We bandaged my wrists.  I have scars from that.  I didn't go to the doctors.  I went to a psychiatrist once or twice but quit going.  One reason that I pulled through that black period is because of John and Diane Anthony.  That's why I love them so much.  About a week later, they said they were coming to get me to go camping.  I said, "No, I am not."  My wrists were still wrapped and I was severely depressed.  They gave me five minutes to pack a suitcase.  They took me.  That really helped my mental state out.

    Bryan eventually came back to me two years later.  I don't think that David, Bryan and Jerry would have had so many problems if they hadn't lived with that witch.

     Cal died of cancer in January 1983. If I could have, I would have gone down to Arizona when Cal died.  Arva and Pinky wanted me to go but then they said no.  It was a good thing that I didn't go.  They were so mad. The services were not what Cal would have wanted from what I heard.  Helen had someone from Alcoholics Anonymous leading the services.

     When Cal was sick, he had called and said that he still loved me.  He also said if he could change things he would and that he would never have been divorced from me.  He died not too long afterwards.

    I met Lyrch(Neil Brown)at school.  He was part of the "Fairmont Gang."  He came into Judd's bar where I worked and he realized who I was.  Ray Lindsey got me into playing pool and I was going with different guys.  Every once in awhile, Lyrch would come in and ask me to go here and there with him.  We were together off and on for about eight or eight and one half years or so. 

     When Lyrch died it was in the middle of the night.  He got up and I thought he was just going to go to the bathroom.  He collapsed.  I didn't have a phone so I had to run across to the neighbors.  I ran back.  He was half on the couch and half off and I couldn't get him off because he was so big.  I did some breathing for him and I got a pulse now and then.  I was trying to do the counting and at the same time, I would say, "Don't do this to me."  The aorta in his heart had burst.  I knew that they were doing CPR on him in the ambulance.

    When I arrived at the hospital, I was told I had to wait outside.  By then, Steve and Elaine (my sister and her husband) were there. Soon the chaplain came.  He said that he was supposed to be there with me.  I was trying to figure out how to call Lyrch's mother.  I found his sisters number in a little book that he had. I had grabbed that and his wallet.

    That was the time also that Elaine locked the paramedic’s things in the house.  I threw my keys at her so she could lock up because I was going to ride in the ambulance.  She locked up without thinking that the paramedics things were in there.

    When they came in and told me that he died, I was allowed to go in and say good by. I told him that I loved him.  I walked out and some friends were there to be with me. Steve had called them and told them what was happening.  Lyrch's sister and brother-in-law came and started in on about the different decisions that had to be made.  Elaine jumped in and said that I wasn't going to make any decisions right then.  Elaine and Steve cornered me and took me up to their house where I called some friends. 

     I have a ring that was to be my wedding ring.  Lyrch died in October and we were going to be married the next St. Patrick's Day.  We had chosen that day because a few years earlier, we had a huge fight and we had made up on St. Patricks Day.  He had been married twice before too.

     It is at times like when Lyrch died that I think about dad a lot.  Both had different heart problems but Lyrch died so suddenly.  At the hospital, they cut into Lyrch trying to revive him and saw that the heart had burst.

     If he had survived, he would have been bed ridden and been a vegetable.  Lyrch would have hated it.  The only one who called Lyrch "Neil" was his mother and sisters.  Every time I go up to the cemetery to clean his headstone and see the name Neil John Brown, I want to put the name "Lyrch" on it.

 

    Lyrch was caught trashing Dilworth Elementary School when he was younger.  They made him work for dad the whole summer.  He was scared to death of dad.  Later on in my life, when Lurch and I started to date, they both remembered that incident.

    I went to Lowell Elementary School which was only a block or so away from my home.  I attended Bryant Junior High.  I went to South High School for little over a year.  I never did graduate.  On my job at the Work Activity Center, I have had a lot of training on computers. 

     I have had a number of jobs.  I worked at Holy Cross Hospital in the nursery as a nurse’s aid,  I worked in the pediatric intensive care with the preemies.  I also worked for about two months at Blue Cross and Blue Shield just doing clerical work.  When I went to California, I worked in rest homes.  I worked in a rest home in Salt Lake on 33rd South.  I have worked in a number of bars.  At one time, I was holding down three jobs to make ends meet.

 

   My friend Ruby used to come into the bar.  She worked at the Work Activity Center.  For three years, I volunteered.  I then decided to apply and got the job.  The clients are severely  physically handicapped.  I got involved in the Legislative Coalition for the Handicapped.  I just lobbied and was there for support. 

     The most rewarding experience is when clients like Shila calls me every Saturday at 10:00 a.m. or when clients realize that they can talk through whatever means they can.  I love it when the clients just want a hug. 

    Dad collapsed and a few days later died of congestive heart failure in November 1982.  It was hard to have him die but he was ready.  He had been in pain too long.  He didn't want to be kept on the machine.  He knew the end was coming and was comfortable with it.   He told me in the hospital on Thanksgiving that he didn't want to be put on life support.  He also had Dr. Dalrymple and me promise that he would not be on life support.

     One day, I got a  call at work (I had just started at the Work Activity Center) saying that he wasn't doing too well. I didn't have a car to get to the hospital.  I called my neighbor Cliff and he took me to the hospital.  Dad was really bad then.  We didn't call John  until that evening when we knew it wouldn't be long.  At the end, he called for mom.  She had just stepped out for a minute.  I guess he thought I was her.  He was saying such things as "Jean, take care of the kids."  Then he would say," Yes, mother, I will mother."  When mom came back in, I was holding his hand.

     The nurse who knew dad for years came in and said that it wouldn't be very long before he passed on.  She was right. I knew he wanted to go peacefully. He was so peaceful in the end and I am glad. It was the first time that I hadn't seen pain in his face in years.  It was hard to tell when he died because it was so peaceful.

    Reality of his death set in when we called John that night.  John had already made arrangements to come.  I know it was hard on mom when dad died.

    I was closer to dad than mom.  I miss not being able to call up and talk to him.  Mom and I fought constantly.  We are too much alike.  We are both stubborn.

    It was hard not being with Toni when my grandsons Micah and Zachary Wyeth died.  It tore me up.  I knew that there was nothing that I could do.  I felt bad because I knew Toni was having a hard time.

    When Kaleb was born, I went down to Las Vegas to help Toni.  I was really looking forward to it.  That was an experience and a half.  At the hospital, Toni was given potosin to start contractions and get the baby here.  I had been watching the machines and listening to all the beep beeps and the swish when he turned and I also heard his heart beats...  The baby started to run into problems and I thought, "OHHHHHHH!!!"

     They prepped Toni for a C-section.  The potosin was stopped and soon the baby was doing better.  But the doctor was still concerned but the surgery wasn't necessary.  When Kaleb was born, the doctor was placing the baby from hand to hand as he unraveled the cord from around the baby.  I thought, "Don't drop him."  I couldn't believe how much cord there was and how it was wrapped all around him.  It was neat to see my grandson born because I had never seen any of my other grand kids be born.  I never got to see my own be born because they came so fast.

The most influential people in my life have been my grandmothers Hazel Jean Wessman and Susan Irvine Shirts Watrous.  Grandma Wessman taught me history and to love music.  She was such a sweet thing.  Grandma Suzie because she was Grandma Suzie.  Even with the scotch blessings...

    I have always had asthma but generally in pretty good health.  I have upper respiratory failure.  I found out that I had that when I got a secondary sinus infection really bad one winter.  I just couldn't get over it and nothing seemed to help.  I already had the inhaler from my asthma.  When I went in for a check up for my insurance company, the doctor said that I did have asthma but everything else looked fine.  Later on that Spring or Summer, I was camping up near Mirror Lake with friends.  By the fourth day, I couldn't breathe.  I had chest pains and wasn't feeling very well.  I suffered through it for a little while.  I kept getting really bad.  I started to leave and Penny Donaldson talked to me.  Pretty soon my friends, had my tent down and I went home.  I found Elaine who took me to the doctor.  I was diagnosed with emphysema but denied it for many years.

     I started smoking when I was 15.  I did it because everyone else was doing it. I started drinking also because of peer pressure.  At times, I don't regret starting but at other times, I do. I especially regret it when I am miserable and know that I don't have much time left because of that bad habit.

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(Comments from Toni Binkerd Wyeth)

     JoAnn died June 27, 1995 after struggling with emphysema.  She smoked up to the day that she died.  She tried to quit but felt that she couldn't do it.  So she started to smoke in private so she wouldn't be embarrassed.  But she eventually came out in the open about it.  She repeatedly told people that she had asthma or upper respiratory problems but in reality she did have emphysema.  She would never admit to it until the end.  She was also an alcoholic which complicated her health situation even more.  She suffered immensely.  She was cross and cranky quite often but she did not really ever complain or talk about how bad she really felt.

    She was put into the hospital a number of times.  Her stomach swelled up so it would eventually look as if she was nine months pregnant.  Her feet were so swollen that her toes looked like little sausages.  She had a hard time or couldn't walk because of this.  She eventually signed up for Hospice.  She wanted to die at home with dignity.  She did not want to be on life support or go to a nursing home.  The day that she died, she seemed all right in the morning.  About 2:00 p.m., she laid down to rest and slipped into a coma.  At 8:03 p.m., she peacefully and quietly passed onto the next life.

    JoAnn wanted to hang onto life so she could see her son Jerry. She had not seen him for about ten years.  One day, after she had been very discouraged for so long about her failing health, she said that she was tired of living like she was where she couldn't get around anywhere and she was on so much medication and oxygen.   She said that she wasn't happy and very miserable.

     She implied that she was ready to go on to the next life.  She believed in life after death even though she did not consider herself religious.  She looked forward to seeing her father again.  When Toni asked about if she was ready to die, she said that she was and felt that it would not be far in the future.  She died not too long after that.

     Before she died, Johnny and his wife Caroline came to visit from Minnesota.  Every day, they would go see her and have a nice visit.  These visits meant so much to her.  She remarked many times that it made her feel good and loved that they would spend time with her.  It brought some happiness to her at the end of her life.

    JoAnn was very organized about the arrangements that needed to be made before she died.  She wanted the events afterwards to go as smooth as possible.  She bought a plot, did a will (in 1991), wrote her own obituary, planned out her own funeral and made a list of where she wanted all her possessions to go.   This was an act of love on her part.

JoAnn died with some heavy regrets especially when it came to her relationship with her children. She also regretted smoking and drinking. She told Toni that she wished that she never started. One of the reasons, she decided to do her life history, was for self-reflection. She also wanted her posterity to know more about her than just the negative. 

-Typed up by Toni Binkerd Wyeth